I thoroughly enjoyed this article (How to be Polite) and thought I’d share:
https://medium.com/message/9bf1e69e888c
(via Daring Fireball)
Really a great read, thanks Paul! As a woman raised by an Emily Post-obsessed mother, I always smile when she is mentioned. All those repeated Emily Post-isms that drove me crazy as a teenager have guided me well in life. Though I have only used the walking-with-books-balanced-on-my-head skill and napkin folding as party tricks!
Loved it. That guy should live in the UK, he’d get along famously!
I for one can’t stand this modern mantra of ‘I speak my mind’ or ‘I’m always upfront and straight with everyone’. It’s just an excuse for being rude to people and to me is the mark of a person who isn’t socially intelligent enough to adjust their behaviour to different company or circumstances.
You catch more flies with honey.
And I’m sure that everyone at one time as a kid says “I’m never going to say those things to my kids that my parents said”
And then one day you blurt one out & realize “OMG I am my Dad” (or mother as appropriate)
I think it is important to be forthright in your discussions… as long as its done in a polite manner, and with good intentions. We all come from different background and experiences, and with different goals… so it is unrealistic to expect everyone to always agree.
They say one should listen twice as much as you speak in a conversation, and never listen only with the purposes to respond, but rather listen to get a better understanding of the idea a person is trying to convey.
[quote=120847:@Norman Palardy]And I’m sure that everyone at one time as a kid says “I’m never going to say those things to my kids that my parents said”
And then one day you blurt one out & realize “!@#$% I am my Dad” (or mother as appropriate)[/quote]
I’m at the point where I constantly need to reevaluate what I say in front of my kid… especially when I speak my native tounge Afrikaans, which can sometimes be a very explicit language.
I know I have a bad habit of cutting people off when they talk so I have to always remind my self NOT to do that and LISTEN first.
It makes a huge difference
[quote=120843:@Richard Vivash]Loved it. That guy should live in the UK, he’d get along famously!
I for one can’t stand this modern mantra of ‘I speak my mind’ or ‘I’m always upfront and straight with everyone’. It’s just an excuse for being rude to people and to me is the mark of a person who isn’t socially intelligent enough to adjust their behaviour to different company or circumstances.
You catch more flies with honey.[/quote]
Well, my PhD supervisor was a very polite guy. I made a major discovery (established the existence of a universal methylase domain shared by DNA-, RNA-, and small molecule methyltransferases) which was going to be published in Nature, and he offered to write the article for me based on my data as my English was very poor. On every draft I was first author (that’s the guy doing the main work) and he was last, as the supervisor should be. The article was accepted by Nature, and on the final version - and without telling anyone - he made himself first author and me last. I only found out when the article was published in Nature.
So yes, you catch more “flies” with politeness. But I prefer open and upfront over polite “deviousness” any time of the day.
[quote=120849:@Alwyn Bester]I think it is important to be forthright in your discussions… as long as its done in a polite manner, and with good intentions. We all come from different background and experiences, and with different goals… so it is unrealistic to expect everyone to always agree.
They say one should listen twice as much as you speak in a conversation, and never listen only with the purposes to respond, but rather listen to get a better understanding of the idea a person is trying to convey.[/quote]
Agreed of course, but I see more and more everyday people who seem to be rude for the sake of it and defend that with ‘I was only speaking my mind’. Some people need an internal filter fitted. Everyone is rude sometimes, but I always try to think of the most polite way I can behave in all situations. Sometimes though you get to a point that rudeness is the only solution!
Speaking your mind is fine
But there are ways to do it without being a ■■■■
Some never quite figure that out
Free speech - the freedom to speak like a ■■■■ and the freedom for someone to tell you you are being one 
Btw it always struck me as interesting that most of the 9/11 terrorists were very polite people too
I think the key is to listen, like Norman said. The more a person realizes you are truly listening to their opinion, the more likely they will respect your opinion.
But we’ve all been there… where you have something to say and nobody wants to hear… sometimes rudeness does show its ugly head. As long as your intention is to strive towards being polite rather than rude, more people will be willing to lend their ears in my experience.
Indeed, and as Alwyn said, you do need to be upfront in discussions with people. There’s no accounting for a deviousness bastard though, but that doesn’t mean you need to be rude to everyone else just because of their behaviour. There’s a difference between being up front and forthright and simply being rude. Generally it is possible to make yourself understood in a polite way.
I’ve seen it myself when staying in a holiday resort. There are those who are rude to all the staff, never tip and shout and scream when the slightest thing is wrong. Then there are those who are very polite, even if they have an issue. The polite ones tend to get an upgrade and free drinks, the shouters probably have their food spat in. It generally pays to be polite!
The problem is that most people seem to mistake being polite for being nice.
My wife is extremely polite, but that is because she is the nicest person I’ve ever met. 15 years and not a single bad word to or about anybody.
But otherwise most of the real bast***s I met in my life were “polite” white-collard people which used politeness to “catch flies”.
Like with anything in the life, you have to keep your wits about you! I don’t know if you read the article attached, but that’s kind of what the guy is saying. You can really bring people on side with politeness and in a way it’s a really simple ‘trick’ to get people to like you. Now whether a person is using politeness for nefarious reasons is for you to judge, but I think it’s a real shame if everyone was a ■■■■ to everyone else just because that polite person might not be on the level.
Maybe I dislike the rise of the rude so much in British society because the Canadians have taken our ‘politeness’ crown! If we’re not known as the politest people in the world, what do we have left!?!?!!111 
FWIW - thank you for the crown 
Same thing you’ve always had … fish and chips ^^
I thought about linking to that article too, but felt it might not be polite to do so. 
We, French people, do not need to be polite or courteous as we are the world’s finest, smartest, most inventive, and we have the most beautiful country.
It’s because we are always right that it gives the impression that we are rude.
Bad joke because hollidays end tomorrow 
. But it was good 
When I speak with rude people, I try to remember that they are unhappy people (most of the time).
[quote=121041:@Thomas ROBISSON]We, French people, do not need to be polite or courteous as we are the world’s finest, smartest, most inventive, and we have the most beautiful country.
It’s because we are always right that it gives the impression that we are rude.
Bad joke because hollidays end tomorrow . But it was good
When I speak with rude people, I try to remember that they are unhappy people (most of the time).[/quote]
Well said!